Yep, I can see it now:
Ivan's adventures in early parenting: A tragedy in One Act
2:45 AM: Ivan and Alley are sleeping peacefully in their bed. Their recent addition to the family
is sleeping peacefully in the next room, but will be waking up soon.
Baby: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! WAAAHH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!
Told you so.
Ivan:
grumbles, turns over, looks at clock
Again? How many times is this? The third time? Fourth time?
Alley:
groggy, not moving
It's still your night, sweetheart.
Baby: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Ivan:
rolls out of bed, wipes eyes
Yeah, yeah...Hang on, I'm coming!
walks out of room, lowers voice
you little spawn...
Ivan:
walks into nursery
Oh my god!
shouting
Honey! What did you feed him tonight? It stinks worse than our neighbor's house after a fumigation!
Baby: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!
Ivan: Ok, ok, let's get this over with.
starts changing diaper
Oh, man!
shouting
Honey! I think he got into the crayons again!
Alley:
says something unintelligible
Ivan:
shouting
What?
Alley:
just barely understandable
Your cell phone keeps vibrating. Come and see what's going on.
Baby: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!
squirt
Ivan: Crap, he wasn't done yet!
Alley: Honeeeeyyyyy!
Ivan: I'm coming! I'm coming!
walks toward bedroom
Baby: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!
Ivan:
reaches side of bed, picks up cell phone
It's a bunch of text messages.
reads the most recent message
BOOM. Headshot. Love, Anoniem. Well, crap.
Baby: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!