Have anyone experienced these thoughts?
How have you battled back?


I downed a handful of painkillers, but my body is basically immune to them, I have a little high on it, but nothing really, the overdose symptoms aren't showing and I'm out of pills.

It's making me think a lot though, and I don't know, I just may not want to die, I have no clue.

All situations are temporary, sure things always look like they'll never get better in the moment, but we must always remember to be in control of our emotions and not let them control us.

I've been there friend, trust me, I'm not going to lie and say things magically get better, but I can tell you that you are the only one with the capability of changing the outcome of your life. I've gone through a lot of horrible things myself, and I would not change a bit of it. It made me who I am, it made me understand certain pain.

"One cannot appreciate the value of peace until they have experienced the hell of war"

Been there bro, edge of a freeway over pass when my ex had a miscarraige, time slowly heals bro

Been there bro, edge of a freeway over pass when my ex had a miscarraige, time slowly heals bro

hey man not sure if this is real or a joke either way the thing to note is that it most people have been in your exact situation and YOU can find a way out. This probably isn't the best place to share whats really going on as we're a mixed bag of idiots but here is some links that i encourage you to USE:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ you can call 1-800-273-8255

Or http://www.crisistextline.org/ and SMS START to 741-741

Everyone goes through hell at some point, sending prayers your way!

I'm dealing with a family death, and death in general, I never liked death, never comfortable with it.
My best friend died 16 years ago or so in highschool, heart attack led to car crash to burning car.
I still can't get myself to visit him after the funeral, I sometimes speak to him when I'm alone and need to talk things out.

And death hasn't stopped bugging me ever since, family members die and it always hits me hard, harder than it should (most of them were in their 90s)

combined with an entire trilogy novel worth of drama in my relationship, and health issues creating issues with work.

i just don't want to deal with everything anymore

I don't want to die, but getting numb over pain killers is the closest thing to not thinking about all these things.

sometimes, i ask, why am i here? what am i doing for others? who am i ?

get close to god buddy. He cares for you.

Jelly, you need to speak to a mental health professional man. It will only do you good. Seriously, schedule something asap and you can start addressing these hopeless feelings. I'm no psychologist but it sounds as if your friend's passing 16 years ago was never fully addressed and to get better you'll need to face that with the help of a doctor.

you got this man, you'll be in my thoughts. get off the pills and consider a more natural program

What do you think I've been trying to do? Getting to the afterlife is the first step

Jelly, believe it or not, all people will have the thought of suicide at least once in their life. Some will have the thought many times over. It's a fact and you are no different.....welcome to world of being human. Welcome to the world where we have been granted the gift of emotions and as some would say, having a heart. Most of us would wish for a friend like you.
I too, like every other human, have had hard times in life. Some issues will haunt you forever. You just have to find that place to store those issues and realize you will be stronger for having faced those issues. As for your friend, as long as this friend continues to live within you, then this friend will never be gone.
In my worst moment, a woman approached me and asked a simple question "What the hell are you doing?". I didn't know how to answer. She then stated, "No matter how bad things are, you might as well stick around. They surely can't get any worse". I married that woman. After almost 17 years, we divorced and many years later I remarried. My second wife has passed away and yet I too speak to her often.
That's life. It's not always perfect. A disability cost me my career in 2012. I had to adjust.
I often say to myself, no matter how bad things get.....stick around. They can be any worse than taking your own life.
There may be that one person who will feel the same about your loss as you do for your friend. You may not have even met that person yet :)

I have battled this too. And the only thing that I could do was tell myself "Tomorrow is a new day". I never knew what was in store for me but I really had to work hard at putting things into the past. Back in the old days of earth 2025 I was raped in my home during one of the war sets and my life spiraled down the drain. I had to get up every day after that day and put one foot before the other. I had to take those next steps and it was the 2nd hardest thing I had to get over. One thing that really really helped me and still helps to this day is writing my thoughts down or writing poetry.

Like some one else said every situation is temporary. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

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Jelly, all you need to do is think about all the people you have to get revenge on for trespassing against you. If you were gone, you would never get a chance to pay them back. You wouldn't want to let them win would you? Show all the haters that you will be greater than them. If your dead you can't do that.

I might do a road trip to clear my head, any destination suggestions?

find something you like to do. start doing that. start planning things like buying tickets to games or shows months in advance so you have something to look forward to.

stop focusing on others and their problems, until you have fixed your own. aint an easy road out, and you are the only one who can put the car in drive.

What side of the country do you live in Jelly?

That's damn good advice Fordy poo.

Yeah fords advice is pretty sound. I'm trying to fill you up with anger so you can have a reason to carry on;)

I live in North West region of North America.

I'm thinking of just going to all places in North America, then maybe go to New Zealand and chase after someone.

Bigfoot is a myth, don't believe the lies!!!

its called a samsquantch

I thought it was a wookie

Are you an outdoorsman Jelly? Lot's too see in North America. Yellowstone National park?

Or you can see the Heston sideshow circus in brokeback mountain territory.

hestons got a yelow stone or two for syko, thats for sure.

Couple places along the west coast in the US I used to go to when I needed to clear my head :)

There's a beach I'm fond of just north of Bodega Bay in California, don't expect sand. If you see sand you're too far north or south.

Windy Ridge near Mount St. Helens was always a favorite when I was living near Portland.

You could always find a suicide support group. They are familiar with the situation so you can ask them what worked and didn't work.

<-- believes in the power of laughter.

Hi Jelly.
Please reach out to a hotline, or professional. I know it is hard. I have been there. Once several earther's dealt with me taking a bunch meds while drinking on irc way back like 10 years ago. Luckily I got help, honestly I don't even remember much of what happened, but that was because I was a raging alcoholic then.
While I know you are in a deep, dark place and it is hard to get out of it, please work on it. The only thing that kept me from doing what I did do was the fact that I lost my aunt to suicide in 2001. She was like mom to me, I was very close to her and I was the one that had to make that 911 call. The pain of my loss of her to this day still hurts, very deeply, and to this day I am never sure I am really angry with her or not. The memory of what she did and how it affected me is what stopped me. If you are down and depressed over a death, imagine how your loved ones and others will handle your loss.
I know that dealing with death is hard. iSoviet (my husband) and I just had to deal with the death of our daughter. It hurts, yes we are angry at who knows what....but life does go on.
I am glad you did reach out somewhere. :) I hope what I wrote helps.

Yes, Jelly I too lost a family member to Suicide(my father) in 2009 he was a real pain in the ass but was my father nonetheless. Not the way to go out. Nobody ever said life was easy. We were meant to feel the pain, we were meant to fight for every second of life. Not too cut ourselves short. Best to seek a therapist. Sometimes venting to someone is good. Especially someone you know isn't going to judge you so harshly. I'm not sure if you work or not. But if you do, many employers offer EAP Counceling. Just remember nobody is perfect in this life. So don't be too hard on yourself. Normally nobody can see what your going through. Because we as ppl hide things too well sometimes. So it's good your making it known, otherwise we likely wouldn't have guessed it. I just googled this:
http://psychcentral.com/...-hotlines-and-help-lines/ open this link and it has tons of different numbers. It's your choice to get help, nobody can do that but you. At some point in your life, you have to make the choice that life is worth living.

Sorry Galleri and iSoviet, I didn't know that happened to you.

Jelly do what you gotta do too survive!

my condolences, galleri

We may all be assholes, but we are assholes who care!

nobody but mrford is perfect*

Take a road trip to Big Sur. Bring a friend. Camp out.

That should get your mind off of things.

Get off the goddamn pills! It will suck ass at first but it gets better physically and mentally. Even if youre taking pain meds for an injury. You may need a fresh perspective on treatment on account that you gobble enough that you think you should OD. When you get out of the haze, work on your fluff and get a hobby. If you need help anonymously, go to an narcotics anonymous meeting in your area. Raise your hand when they ask who is new and introduce yourself. Then listen to whats been said. Ask someone for help. If they turn out to be a flufftard find someone else.
If nothing else dont hurt yourself and dont gobble down copious amounts of narcotics FFS.
Go for the obvious problem first imo, thats drugs. One thing at a time. Keep it simple.

Hey dude, everyone copes differently with this sort of situation, I personally took the route that you're on years ago, less pain killers but more rougher crap. Still thoughts get into my head once in a while that really make me think.

the best thing I've found doing is to pack a couple snacks and go out into the wilderness for a few hours and just reflect on the beauty of nature and the life that is going on all around you. It's amazing what fresh air and nice sunny day can do for the mind if you have no interruptions like cell phones, people, etc. If you can manage to see the beauty of the wilderness then it may help you get through some tough times as you will be able to see more of the beauty in life in general.

http://www.earthempires.com/...e-year-38443?t=1453178107

AT is for the serious talks.

General Talk is for spam. I did however eat so much I was sent to the hospital, that part was true, didn't make it to 300 though.

So spam equals bullfluff, but in this particular instance, but its only half bullfluff? 8 days and a 50 pound weight gain followed by a three day 40 pound loss after a hospital stay.....
fluff bro. You are full of fluff. Not half full. Go crank call the lgbt helplines asshole.

In high school I had those thoughts. I was very unsure about my own person (ie: I was a bit of a nerd, but surprisingly popular in school) everything felt like a fascade etc.

Inside though I was angry at a lot of things. I was depressed about My life. The usual teen stuff.
Thought about suicide.

You know what got me through?
I said to myself, gotta live long enough to play Zelda: Ocarina of Time
And it worked. The issues didn't go away, but I didn't have though thoughts anymore when the game came out.

I took it day to day/month to month.

I eventually got into a groove of having goals and things to work for so those issues went away. I'm not saying it will be easy, but I'd say don't think about suicide.

There's help too. If you need to talk to someone,
http://suicideprevention.ca/...ide/find-a-crisis-centre/

Do yourself a favor, dude. Go out and find some really good weed, take it home, get some papers, roll a couple of joints, get yourself some Doritos and Mountain Dew, put the Road Runner Cartoons on the TV, take a sip of the Mountain Dew, smoke the first joint, laugh your ass off at the stupid Coyote, then eat some of the Doritos, it's going to be hard to only eat some of them since all munchies are single serving size on Cannabis, then smoke the other joint and relax.

Repeat this once a day for true happiness to settle in.

Well, regardless of whether the topic post is real or not, there are some sound suggestions and replies here.

May as well go for the ride...

"I take a step toward that moving train – don’t tell me you haven’t done the same
The easy way out is not for me – want to see how much I can bleed"

^^^ Lyrics from recent song I wrote, Workin Me Down <-- googleable

I just got done separating the berries from the Capt crunch, totally worth it.

Look at these posts to support you. People do care.

Did you do it for the berries?

Berries are for fluffes

the weight thread is for giggles, i did gain 30 to 50 lbs or so though.

Thanks to everyone who has contributed to the conversation, and honestly, I appreciate that people do care.

I'm still working on the issues, pain killers, are a must in my daily routine because of chronic pain, I just over do it to get a buzz on sometimes.

I'm struggling, but I'm surviving

jelly, in lots of medical mj states, pill users are finding mj oils and concentrates are a safe and effective way to get off of those things. still will provide you a lot of pain relieve but do so without chemicals